5-6 Center cut pork loin chops. Got them right here.
3 Tablespoons of oil. Olive oil for us. No problem, right here.
Brown the chops in skillet with oil. Brown? Hmmm. What does that mean? When you brown hamburger, you get all the hamburger brown. Well, let’s start. Maybe medium-high heat. (5 MINUTES LATER) Hmmm. Eight hours in a crock pot means it’ll be cooking for eight more hours! Which means….tough, overcooked meat! Yikes. I guess brown means “sear “ in this case. Crap! Well, these 2 can go near the top in the crock. That should help, right? (10 MINUTES LATER) Okay, everybody into the crock pot.
1 Medium pepper, 1 medium onion: dice. No problem. (15 MINUTES LATER) Just don’t cut your fingers, man. Nice and steady. Quick and easy, my foot. Into the crock with you. Now what?
8 ounces of tomato sauce. Ah, the joys of trying traditional. Homemade sauce in a jar. Kind of soupy. Oh, well. Now for the lid. Hmmmm. Can’t…get… off…ouch, the fingers can’t take any more. That’s tight seal. Now what? Maybe I should pry it. But with what? Ah, a butter knife. Just a little pressure…….AAAHHH! Well, it came off, but the sauce is everywhere. Funny: most of it is on my pants and sock.
Aw, man, it went between the stove and cupboards. How am I supposed to clean there?! Don’t swear, you don’t swear, kids are around, just relax. Clean it up. Quick and easy. Yep. Well, at least the dog’s helping.
Shoot, are tomatoes poisonous to dogs?!?!?! Better check. (10 MINUTES LATER) Great, just great. Half the websites say tomatoes cause tremors, the other half list dog recipes that have tomatoes in them! It was only a little sauce on the floor. Again, I’m wearing most of it, but it still hasn’t dried yet. Kind of cold. I’ll just have to keep an eye on her. Okay, back to the Quick and Easy Pork Chops.
3-4 tablespoons of brown sugar. BUT don’t use the brown sugar, use the rappidura…rapadurrah…rappederra…whatever. The natural substitute for processed brown sugar. Got it.
1 Tablespoon of vinegar.Yeah, but apple cider vinegar or white vinegar. Is this like red wine versus white wine with supper. Pork is a white meat so it gets a white wine, right? Let’s just try for the white vinegar and avoid an added apple flavoring.
1 ½ teaspoons of salt.I haven’t seen store salt in weeks. Let’s see. Trying Traditional recommends Celtic Salt. Celtic? Do I sing Enya while using it? Wait, was she even Celtic? I haven’t heard an Enya song in years. And does it start with a ‘k’ sound as in ‘kick’ or an ‘s’ sound, as in Boston Celtics? Nevermind.
2 teaspoons of Worcestershire Sauce. Finally, an easy one.
Okay. Everything’s in the crock pot.
Just have to turn it on…”DADDY! WE HAVE STINKY PANTS UP HERE!” Argh. Better take care of that. (Step-step-step…)
”Daddy I stinky.”
“Yes, you’re stinky.”
”Daddy I stinky.”
“Yes, I can smell that.”
“Daddy red on sock.”
“Yes, daddy is messy.”
“Daddy messy. (Cute laugh.)”
“Yes, daddy got messy.”
“Daddy messy. Messy daddy! (Adorable and goofy laugh.)”
“Yes, daddy is…Good grief, what did we feed you!!”
(10 MINUTES LATER) Okay, where was I…Oh, yes, the Quick and Easy Pork Chops! Right.
8-10 hours on low. Let’s see, that means it would be done at…BEDTIME! AAAARRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!
Okay, let’s just turn it up on high for an hour or so and then we’ll go low. That can work, right?